Wednesday, November 9, 2011

nov 9, 2011

Well today sucked

Today has been just awful. Started out waking up with a sore throat, so I'm sick (ugh). I stepped out of bed, and took my medication like always. Took a shower, brushed my teeth the whole nine yards. Then I notice how no one is home. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being home alone, I just get bored easy when I am. So I'm there and I decide brush up on some of my favorite thing to do which is program websites. So I go and watch a couple of XHTML & CSS. Everything goes great and I'm having fun and learning when I think about my blog. I decide to take a video or two to post and maybe make it a little more interesting. Then it happens, as I am walking down my hallway I drop my camera and the screen cracks. So here I am needing a new camera. No money, but I did apply for a couple of jobs (wish me luck). It seems with how things are I'm never going to get a job. Oh well someone will need me sooner or later. right? Anyway people I'm signing off maybe listening to some music will cheer me up a bit. Goodnight folks.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Nov 8, 2011 - Done for the night.

The ups

Well today has been pretty productive, and it's official! I was withdrawn from my old school and placed into another one. So that's a major upside. I also got me a new Kindle :) It's on it's way from amazon and I can't wait because reading is one of my favorite past times. The ups for today have been pretty good so far I just hope that tomorrow will be the same if not better.

The downs

My downs for today are minimal. My girlfriend of 6 months decided it would be best to end our relationship. When she called me I could hear it in her voice and I almost knew exactly what she was going to say before she could say it herself. I wish I knew what it is I did wrong. I mean yea I have severe tourettes, but when I'm around her I did my best to control them. She always made me feel calm. But it's nothing I should be thinking about for too long or else I may throw myself into a depressive state for a couple of days. I'm thinking of taking pictures and videos for the blog. I'm absolutely new to the whole writing a blog thing so any suggestions I will take into. consideration. Tonight at about 6:10PM I had a panic attack. Why? I'm not sure I seem to sometime get random panic attacks induced by nothing. Possibly past thoughts? I don't know, but all I know is that I'm tired and I'm going to turn in early tonight. To whom ever reads this I really appreciate it. I hope I'm not just writing down a bunch of boring crap. Like I said, suggestions. I need some. Thanks to all. goodnight


Monday, November 7, 2011

Nov 8, 2011

How I came to be

My name is Jacob, for the past couple of years I have been struggling with the combination of Tourrettes syndrome and Bipolar disorder. When I was five I was diagnosed with Tourrettes and have been living with it ever since. Recently I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and severe anxiety. I have made this blog to relate with others as well as keep track of how I am progressing from a day to day basis. I hope to ever reads this finds my post interesting and overall helpful. Before hand I apologize for my poor punctuation. Let me start from the beginning. Ever since I was diagnosed with tourettes I knew that I was different and had feelings different from others. Day to day I would have to suffer with the embarrassment of having to twitch or move in some alien manner to satisfy an inner itch. I have been made fun of, by peers and even teachers. I will never forget some of the most scaring events of my life.

Bullied by teachers

Tourettes syndrome is known for causing problems in mathematic skills for some people. I will never forget the day in the fifth grade I was bullied by my own teacher and made fun of by the entire fifth grade. During the fifth grade my teacher Ms.Hayes was teaching multiplication facts. This is what I have the most trouble in regarding math. I remember not being able to remember one of my math facts. She instantly becomes annoyed calling me stupid. She then goes on to saying that I have 1 school day to remember all of my math facts for the next morning or there will be consequences. The next day rolls around and although I have studied hard I still can't remember anything that I had studied the previous night. She calls onto me and I stand there. She looks at me like I have two heads and just sits there staring. after some time of sitting there in awkward embarrassing silence she finally tells me to sit down. at her desk I see her putting something together. She calls me and a couple of other classmates to the front. She then hands me a sign that says "Hello my name is Jacob, and I don't know my multiplication facts". She forced me to wear the sign the entire day around school surrounded by 5-8th graders. The rest of the day I was labeled a "retard" and this has followed me to this day. I have never been able to sit in a class room without feeling anxious or having butterflies in my stomach. I nearly break down every time a teacher tries to talk to me or if I get a question wrong in fear of public humiliation. I will never forget that day in the fifth grade and it's affects will never wear off and I will always have a fear of teachers and a fear of school.

The ups?

I'm sorry to inform you, but I have not found any ups to being bipolar. I have however found ways to deal with it besides the medication provided by my psychiatrist here are some of my ways of dealing with it.

  • Talk to someone about it

  • I know this is the cheesiest thing that I could say, but seriously this helps.
    It has helped me through some of my manic episodes

  • Listen to music

  • I always find that listening to music helps and relaxes me

  • If you are contemplating suicide please tell someone

  • I've been here before I was seriously thinking about it. If you can get to an ER
    they have resources that will help you.

    These are just some of the personal tips that have helped me through some of my manic episodes.

    What is a manic episode

    A Manic Episode is defined by a distinct period during which there is an abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood. This period of abnormal mood must last at least 1 week (or less if hospitalization is required). For me a manic episode is a severe panic attack. Forgive me if this is a poor analogy, but at the moment it's the only one I can think of. Imagine if an announcement has been made that an asteroid is going to annihilate the earth and all it's inhabitants within the next hour. Imagine how you would feel. This is how I feel during one of my manic episodes. I have a feeling of impending doom, butterflies in my stomach, I often vomit or become sick. This can vary, but has usually lasts a little more than a week for me. During this time I want to end it all. I can't stand it. The feelings drive me up a wall and through the ceiling. But I eventually I come back down, and I come into a deep depression. During this time I don't want to get up, and absolute no desire to go to school. I hope you enjoyed my brief bio and look forward to my up coming posts. Thanks, Jacob.

    If anyone would like to contact me you can do so by emailing